I failed to say
by Saiyura
Summary: I watched you suffer. I watched you cry. I couldn't stop this and I couldn't help you. I ran from the fact that you may never love me. I ran from the fact that all I could think of was you. Now here you are, broken, from saving me. Ichigo, I love you. R


Ah, this is my round three story for the bleachers Romance contest. It is a ISHI/ICHI Yaoi story. It IS very sad and it DOESN'T have a happy ending-just to let you know.

The poem is originally mine. It does, in a way, go good with that story. Considering it was what made the concept for this story plot. It switches POV's just to let you know. but I won't tell you who's POV it is so you'll have to find out your self's. haha

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**Think that I lost you in this dark hole that enveloped my soul turns the fear in my heart to that of an unbearable beast. I beg you then to forgo any love that you believe you must give me. I fear that love and wish to protect you from the monster that I am. So, my love, live and never love me for if I were to love you I know your death would not be as kind as that of a honorable warrior that you are. Love me not but to kill me. ~ Saiyura

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"Ishida!" I screamed as I tried to grip his hand as we both started falling from the cliff's edge. "ISHIDA!" again I shouted, my voice already rough and slowly toning out from the countless hours from screaming the others teens name after he failed to return to camp.

_He had left camp in a fit of rage. It had been so sudden that no one understood it before we all heard someone else laughing in the direction that the Doctors son came from._

_Renji chuckled a few times before he caught my eye and I knew then that whatever he said was not something I ever wanted Renji to tell Ishida again. Growling a little in annoyance I made way to try to find the pissed off sowing professional._

_"Oi, Ichigo." I blinked a few times before stopping in my tracks to see Urahara a step behind me holding the fan over his face as he looked out into the woods I was about to head into. "Give him some time to calm down before you chase after him." again I only blinked at him before my scowl thickened with unease. I didn't want to leave Uryu out there, especially since it was already dark out. _

It was mid-winter and I couldn't help but shivered as I lay spiraled against the rocks. My vision kept swimming from pitch black to a blinding white before making my stomach want to take giant heave. I quickly turned over to my side as I lost my lunch across-what I assumed to be- a rocky terrain. Groaning I moved back onto my back before feeling something scrap against my chest and a deep pressure built until I gasped in pain.

I couldn't breathe well.

_I felt impatient as I waited for the go ahead to start running round the woods to save that idiot from whatever situation he obviously was in. It had been almost two hours. Obviously he was lost and that stupid green hat of a councilor leader didn't care. At that point I was already starting to head off again towards the woods again before I heard my name being shouted- again- by Urahara._

_"ICHIGO!" I gritted my teeth before turning around to look at the camp councilor before giving him one of my best 'Shut up' before turning on my heel sprinting into the woods before he could stop me. I had to do something! I couldn't just leave Ishida out there in the woods all alone and in who knows what condition._

Movement to my side, the side I had not yet throw up on, caught my attention before I groaned trying to get who ever -or dreadfully what's- attention. A dull moan and a few short coughs made me wonders if they were in the same condition as I was in. Did they feel nauseous, dizzy, did their vision blur in and out like some kind of gray scale...

My mind slowly trailed off before I tried to turn my head towards them. I knew then that that wasn't the move I should have made.

Searing pain shot up from my neck before I felt the same suffocating grip on my chest tighten until that made all my muscles freeze, locking into place. I felt that if I moved I would die... again the movement at my side grew more and more into a struggle. I could hear him trying to gain his voice before he spoke. He was struggling to make something coherent or a human sound before I noticed that something WAS on top of me.

"I-Ishida?" I coughed out. I regretted speaking instantly before I almost whined as I started coughing, feeling something bubble up inside of my throat. I turned around-not where I assume Ishida was- and started dry heaving, spitting, and all but drastically chocking to get rid of the evident and growing copper taste of my own blood that had evidently coated my throat. I felt the stinging tears as they started to fall down my eyes.

I noticed it then. I still couldn't see anything though I was positive that it was now morning. All I knew was that I could feel the sun on my skin.

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I gasp as I woke up with a start and tried desperately to make my jumbled mind into a coherent machine again. All I remembered was staring down at the dark end of the cliff as I wondered whether or not to jump or head back to the camp. My mind still drawled on that image as I inched my way closer to get a better look into the dark.

I didn't hear Ichigo gasp before he said my name in a almost scared fashion before I literally jumped in fright, losing my footing slightly in the process, before he screamed my name again, "Ishida!" My vision started to tilt backwards as he ran forward his arm outstretched to get to me, to stop my slow decent into the black gorge.

His hand gripped my wrist before pulling me into his chest. I knew it then. We were both falling. I tried desperately to make sure he was okay but it felt that he also had the same idea that I had in that instant of clarity as he tucked my head under his chin while both his arms circled my waist pulling me deep into him, meshing my body into his before I felt the growing blush spreading rapidly across my face then I felt something turning us around.

The next thing I knew I felt the jarring effect of hitting the grounds vibrate threw my spine making me all but want to lose consciousness at that point. I barely felt the pain after it started to recede but I knew when Ichigo-who had cushioned my fall- screamed that he had taken the full brunt of the fall. That he was severely injured because of my added weight when we collided with the jagged and rocky ground.

Now awake again-after I had failed to wake Ichigo up-did I try to make my blurry tears vanish before I looked to see Ichigo trying to understand our current situation. He moved to the side gingerly-I tried not to hear the scraping of broken bones and the fact that Ichigo must have a few broken ribs and a most likely dislocated shoulder- before he violently turned to his side and started hacking up a lung. I panicked as I rushed into a more of a sitting position, winching as I felt something pulling at my ankle before I started to rube his back in slow circles, trying to stop the coughing or help relax him.

I wanted to cry but I knew at the moment Ichigo would need me to stand up for the both of us if something else were to happen. I noticed he started calming down before he tried to move back towards looking at the sky. My hands, without thinking, gripped the back of his head, pulling slightly on his hair, so that he wouldn't hit his head as he moved. He mumbled his thanks before I felt a smile grace my lips as I leaned forward resting our heads together.

Ichigo's face flushed obviously noticing the skin contact. "Ishida?" he whispered, not wanting to cause another coughing fit.

"Yeah, it's me Ichigo." I said allowing my lips to ghost over his in an almost kiss before I sat back up to look down at my legs. Though my vision was blurred form my lack of glasses I could see the rocks piled against my ankle making me twists it to move. I laughed before I saw the quirk in Ichigo's brow and the grim expression. "I'm pinned." he nodded slightly, evidence of fear creeping into the worry lines on his brow. His eyes were opened, glazed, as he looked in my direction.

My intake of breath must have told him all he needed to know at that moment before Ichigo started to cry.

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I knew it. When Ishida had gasped at my gaze as I desperately tried to figure out where he was. I knew that the fear that was growing inside me as I tried to figure out what was happening… That I couldn't see anything anymore… That I was now blind as a bat, I must have hit my head more often than I had thought on the way down from the edge for such... I tried to stop my incessant crying but I knew that with this issue and Ishida being trapped that we were in trouble. All because I couldn't pull him back fast enough. I had the opportunity before I told him I was there to-

"Ichigo." Ishida's voice was soft as his hand touched my cheek bushing some liquid- that I assume my own blood- across my-that I again I assume was a pale- face. "Don't worry, I'm not badly pinned. It might take me a while to get unstuck but it isn't impossible." I breathed a sigh of relief, though my heart was still a fast tempo as Ishida's hand trailed up into the hair and started running his hands threw it. It was calming; I had to give it that. I gave him a quick smile before I closed my unseeing eyes, hoping that our stupid Camp Councilor would hurry up with the rescue.

I was starting to get a little tired and I didn't know how long my fight to stay awake would last as the minutes ticked onto hours.

"Ichigo?" jumping I looked around with barely any movement of my head, quickly I noticed the feeling of something pressing against my shoulders that made me start thrashing for a second as my brain tried to tell me that who it was wasn't a threat then again I paused as I felt something warms against my lips. I would even say they were moist even.

I started relaxing into the embrace before the person pulled out of the kiss to get some air they lost while doing this extra effort to calm me.

"Ichigo?" Ishida's voice said in clarity. My brain clicked, telling me that I didn't mind that kiss at all. I nodded to him letting him know that I heard my name. "Your back." His voice seemed overly joyous as he said it. That's when I wanted to ask where I had gone before I understood his meaning. I had fallen asleep.

"Sorry." I mumbled threw a yawn, still feeling sapped of any strength that I previously had.

He chuckled before I heard some movement around my feet. "What are you doing?" I didn't get an answer right away but when he told me that he was removing the rocks I felt something tighten in my chest before I forced myself into a more sitting position then one of the laying. It had hurt at first to move the already stiffened muscles but once a couple of minutes passed it felt more natural to my body. It had also taken Ishida about fifteen minutes before he lay next to me-my position must have been better because he was more relaxed then before as he laid his head on my shoulder- and yawn in my ear.

"Ichigo?" Ishida asked his hand ghosting over mine. I quickly took the initiative to tangle our fingers together before I let him speak again. "You're hurt bad, huh." I didn't laugh, knowing that it would hurt if I did so I nodded. "Have you tried to see what might be broken?" I blinked before grimacing. No, I hadn't, but I didn't really want to either.

"No."

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I was really excited as I massaged Ichigo's hand with my thumb as he tried to figure out what hurt worst. He took a deep breath, before he flinched not even two seconds in. I could tell that it was a lot more than a simple fracture, maybe a major break. He tested to move his arms next: nothing broken but serious bruising and swelling. His legs were the same, though he had severely twisted his ankle from the way it looked to my unfocused eyes.

He had then told me to do the same thing. Of course I was hesitant but I knew that he also grew up under a doctor family so I sighed dejectedly before following what he did. I confirmed that nothing was broken. Twisted wrist but I had already known about from moving countless small and large chunks of rock around my legs. Excavating told you a lot if you were hurt. Until I turned towards my ankle; I wasn't sure about it at the time being.

Glancing at the sky told me that a day had already gone by and if last night's cold temperatures told me anything was that Ichigo wouldn't get out of this without an infection and hypothermia. I glanced around the clearing and the areas that I could reach before I looked at his blue and black face. The dead look in his eyes told me that he didn't even know how cold it was already. I took a quick breath before placing my forehead against his.

My fear was confirmed. Ichigo had finally come down with a fever.

Time flowed by quickly as I worked on uncovering my legs. Ichigo had fallen asleep several times making me pause to check on him and his ever growing fever. Half way done I figured that I should stop. The sun was fully down by now and I had to use what little body heat I had to keep Ichigo warm.

"Hey, Kurosaki?" I whispered, my mouth next to his ear before he tilted his head towards me, saying he heard. I smiled before I leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. I already knew that from the moment I first kissed him that he wouldn't remember it or mind these little tokens of my love. "Why did you come after me?" It had bothered me when I first woke up. Of all the people to try to find me why was it Ichigo and not one of the other councilors.

"I didn't like the fact that you were out here at night." Ichigo said in that defiant tone that I had fallen in love with. I laughed at him. Of course, he always was like this. "And... I kind of like you." I felt the flush cross my face before I felt his hesitant hand trailing up my arm, using it as a directory towards my head. His fingers locked into my hair as he pulled me into a soft, yet in every way passionate, kiss.

"I..." I wanted to say it to him also. That I liked him back... No, that I loved him! "I..." In that instant our lips touched I could feel that his body was colder then when his fever had spiked.

Ichigo's hand dropped from my hair and his body went still. My mind couldn't think as I saw the last bit of air escape his lungs before nothing else happened. In the middle of the night after falling from a sheer cliff Ichigo died from an internal hemorrhage. Five ribs- two on the left and three of the right- were broken form the fall as we landed into the most rocky area under that cliff. He had not lost his eye sight, what I was told after rescue, but it was a problem with how his brain had swollen putting pressure behind the sockets.

Ichigo Kurosaki, the one I had fallen in love with during summer camp, died saving my life. Those words he whispered to me as he died still choked me up with tears.

"I kind of like you."

That was the last think Ichigo Kurosaki said to me before he died. He told me he loved me and I was never given the chance to tell him my response.

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It sad, I know. Enjoy it though. RR please!


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